I Dreamed In The Cities At Night

LAMENT

Here now    along the long deep water
that I thought that I thought that you always
that you always

here now    along the long deep water
where behind the rushes    behind the rushes the sun
that I thought that you always but always 

that always your eyes    your eyes and the breeze
your eyes and the breeze
always ruffling    ruffling the water

that always in a trembling silence
that I would always live in a trembling silence
that you always    those waving rushes always

along the long deep water   that your skin would always
that always in the afternoon your skin
always in the summer in the afternoon your skin

that always your eyes would melt
that your eyes would always melt in happiness
always in the motionless afternoon

along the long deep water    that I thought
that I thought you would always
that I thought that happiness would always

that always the light motionless in the afternoon
that always the afternoon light    your ochre-coloured shoulder
your ochre-coloured shoulder always in the afternoon light 

that always your cry    hanging
always your bird’s cry    hanging
in the afternoon    in the summer    in the breeze

that always the breeze trembling    that always but
always the ruffled water    the afternoon    your skin
I thought that everything would always    I did not think that ever

here now along the long deep water    that ever
I thought that always    that never    that you would never
that frost would never   that no ice would ever the water

————————————————

JANUARY 1943

for Joekie Broedelet

I was walking along the cart track 
on a sparkling winter day

my mother came to meet me
a figure in the distance

the night before I’d had a dream
I’d been sailing my little boat

my hand skimmed the duckweed
in the gleaming waterway

the boat sailed to the other side
and stranded in the rushes there 

when I looked up I saw my father
thrusting his arm through barbed wire

he gazed at me with pleading eyes
my father asking me for bread.

***

On that country road mother
you held me tight for ages 

your eyes were red
your jacket smelled of city

the Germans had posted us a card 
informing us that he had died 

in Neuengamme bitter word
they’d murdered him.

***

I felt nothing then but knew
there was something I should feel

I looked past my mother’s sleeve
towards the deep enticing wood

when I got the chance I told her all
about the things that interested me

the trap I’d set
at the entrance to the rabbit warren

the hut that I was building
in a tree I alone knew

only later did I feel a pain
pain that never went away

that still floods through my body
as I write this 

long ago and yet so near
time lasts a lifetime long.